Collecting: sussed

Just before Christmas work was crazy. Then on one busy day I received an e-mail that was so unexpected that it pierced through the craziness like a laser and filled me with absolute joy.

The e-mail was from a Spanish gentleman and, in endearing broken English, he politely asked whether I might be kind enough to send him a pen. But not any old pen - it had to be a Guardian-branded pen. You see, this chap collects pens, but *only* if the pen is branded with some kind of publishing-related logo. You can check out his dedication for yourself on his meticulously-organised website, where he displays photos of every pen he possesses by country.

I dutifully popped a pen in the post, and forgot about it until this very day, when he e-mailed me to let me know that my pen had been received, logged, categorised, photographed and uploaded to his ever-growing 'Inglaterra' category. I felt strangely proud, and his pen-aticism got me thinking about the notion of 'collecting', and what drives people to do it.

I've never been much of a collector. The only time I can recall ever collecting anything was a couple of hundred or so badges, but that was only so I could get my collectors' badge at Brownies. I detest clutter, get a weird sense of satisfaction whenever I throw something away and I offload my unnecessary yet usable possessions to enthusiastic recipients on Freecycle as often as I can.

However, on the other HAND, I must confess a strange urge which I have so far kept at bay: to keep a log of all the hand dryers I have ever used in my life, and to create the definitive list of ALL hand dryers. You see, collecting actual hand dryers would be a bit OTT, and indeed HOTT. But over the years it has always astounded me how SO MANY brands and makes of hand dryers are out there (this Flickr group is great). So many, in fact, that I often wish that I had started to jot down the makes and models in some kind of book when the seed was first planted in my strange, warped mind. But I didn't, and now it's too late to start, surely? 

Flickr image - Amy Watts

I realise this is a bit of a niche area to TAP into, but I think - when it comes to collections - the more specific the better. That's why I admire our pen-collecting friend, because it has to be a certain TYPE of pen.

If you do a Google search for 'weird collections' a lot of eerie stuff comes up, most notably the dude who has collected all of his belly button fluff and stored it in jars, by decade. But there are also some pretty neat (and by this I mean both cool AND organised) collections out there.

Isn't it just wonderful how the world seems to balance itself out in terms of those of us who hate clutter, and those of us who thrive on it, and that Freecycle allows us all to co-exist in perfect harmony....

If you're still reading, I applaud you. How about you? Do you collect anything weird, or do you know anyone that does?

This is not the Facebook login page either

Today was supposed to be really fun. I was meant to be taking part in a TV show called 'Restaurant in our Living Room' where me and some friends were going to be dinner guests in a celebrity's home (we didn't ever find out who). But I've had such a busy week at work that when the call came through from the producers yesterday to presumably offer us our dining places I was in a meeting. And I didn't leave my voicemail on. So the opportunity sadly passed us by.

Despite this letdown, a couple of things have made me laugh A LOT today.

Firstly, this:

Top tip: It's annoying when you have to pay for condiments when you go to the chippy or eat out. I carry a pencil case stuffed with sachets of sauce, salt, pepper and vinegar, so I'm never without my extras.

This kind of behaviour definitely isn't normal, right?! I mean, surely the whole point of a takeaway is that you take it home, where hopefully you have a nice array of condiments in your kitchen cupboard. And personally I can't remember the last time I ate in a restaurant where they charged me extra for a dollop of Ketchup. But also, where on earth can you actually buy these small sachets? Unless you happen to regularly visit the cash and carry, I think they're probably quite difficult to get hold of. In which case, this 'top tip' is advocating theft!

Or so I thought until this very evening, as I was ascending the escalator at Leicester Square tube station. You see, as I was moving upwards, a dapper-looking gentleman was travelling in the opposite direction on the corresponding escalator. As he passed one of these 'stand on the right' ridges between the two escalators I noticed he picked something up that had been resting on the side of the sign that had been facing him. A sachet of tomato sauce! He looked at his new possession, nodded at it approvingly and placed it in his coat pocket with a very satisfied look on his face. As I passed this ridge I looked back, and lo and behold there was also a barbecue sauce tub resting there as well! So obviously *that's* how you acquire these mini saucy treats. Vigilance, people, vigilance!

Despite the TV show disappointment I met up with my friends who I had been due to go on the show with for a lovely dinner anyway. Then I got home to discover this. Now I don't normally write about online / social media stuff as there are loads of other bloggers who do this much better than me, but I must say that this is one of the funniest things I've seen online for a while. Basically the well-known tech blog ReadWriteWeb posted a news item about Facebook, and the post's headline happened to include the words 'Facebook' and 'login'. Now, it turns out that lots of less tech-savvy Facebook users sign in to the site by Googling 'Facebook Login' and clicking on a search result. So when this blog post came up as a result, a fair few number of people clicked on it thinking that they were on the new-look Facebook page. 

When trying to work out how to sign in to the new red-themed design, the only place they could find to enter their details was at the foot of the article to leave a comment using their Facebook profile. It's well worth reading this comment thread to witness the sheer confusion of some people who can't understand the 'new Facebook'. Here are just some of the comments (some of which are probably jokes):

Ok If I have to I will comment,I love facebook so right now just want to log in if thats ok with you..lol Keep up the good work...

I WANT THE OLD FAFEBOOK BACK THIS SHIT IS WACK!!!!!

All I want to do is log in, this sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

OK can I long in now

I am going to delete my account (IF I CAN EVER LOG IN) as this SUCKS BIG TIME ! If this does not get back to NORMAL you are going to lose a lot of folks who hate this and as you can see from all the comments they think it sucks too !!! facebook was great for connecting with old friends ...now, NOT SO MUCH. SO HOW DO I LOG IN ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

The people at RWW cottoned on to what was going on, and posted a helpful paragraph in the middle of the article to point out that "this site is not Facebook".

I know it's easy to say "oh my God some people are so stupid' but the truth is that there must be so many web users who only use the internet for Facebook and other similar sites. So if they'd heard rumours about the new design from their Facebook friends then tried to access the login page in the usual way via Google then you can sort of understand their confusion. But still extremely funny for us lot.

Sauce photo from Dan (aka firrs)'s Flickr Photostream.

Christmas cringe

Err, who is this guy singing to me? Just got this on an e-mail from PR Newswire...

Posted via web from Thoughts as she has them

Once you've tasted glove...

I was listening to a feature on Radio 4 this morning about a guy who tastes words. Yes, you heard (or felt) me right, he TASTES various flavours according to what words he hears. Apparently this disorder is called gustatory auditory synaesthesia and it can affect all of the senses in a whole multitude of combinations. So, from what I understand, some people can feel noises and smell things they see (more information at http://www.uksynaesthesia.com/).

The example they used for the flavoursome words chap was that the word 'Tony' tastes like desiccated coconut. He also revealed that the word 'coffin' tastes like boiled sweets in order to demonstrate that the negative (or positive) connotations associated with certain words in no way affects whether the subsequent taste is pleasant or rank; the tastes are completely arbitrary.

I've become a big fan of Radio 4 in recent weeks, but I do feel that in this particular feature they failed to address a number of key questions. For example, what happens when people talk about actual food? Does he taste mint when someone says the word 'mint'? What word is associated with the taste of chocolate? Does it work in reverse? i.e. does he hear words in his head when he eats? Does he actively seek out people who are likely to talk more about things that result in the flavours he enjoys the most?

P.S. The title of this post is a Take That reference. I wonder what flavour the word 'glove' conjures up?

Yes, so David Beckham's got a beard - stop shaving on about it

via guardian.co.uk

Why is everyone so obsessed with David Beckham's beard? According to The Observer, it's "like an unstoppable hairy fungus" which is "colonising" him. I'm not denying that Mr Beckham has consciously decided to embrace his facial hair as some kind of fashion statement, but does it really warrant such debate?
If indeed it does, then let's start to discuss what his World Cup style niche will be next year. Red contact lenses? A blue nose? Fangs? Perhaps he's growing the beard now in preparation, in order to have a big dreadlock hanging from his chin. Personally, I'm going to put money on him getting a tattooed moustache.

Posted via web from Thoughts as she has them

The Ukraine really has got talent

via youtube.com

Somehow I can't see anything like this winning Britain's Got Talent, but I think it's stunning. How *does* she get her hair so glossy?!

Posted via web from Thoughts as she has them

My quest to discover the fate of Sniper the dog

About ten years ago I was watching BBC Points West, the local BBC news programme for Bristol and the surrounding areas. One of the top stories was a frantic hunt for a dog called Sniper, who had gone missing in a forest whilst out on a walk. His distraught owners believed that their beloved Sniper - always the adventurer - had unwittingly wandered in to one of the hundreds of badger sets in the forest, and had gotten lost in the labyrinth of underground tunnels.

There was a live link at the search scene, where it appeared there were dozens of policemen, RSPCA people and members of the public trying to locate the canine explorer, with an emotional plea from the reporter for people in the local area to keep their eyes peeled for a dog matching Sniper's description. The story had me gripped, and at the end of the show they re-visited the scene to inform us that Sniper still hadn't been found, but that the search was still in full swing.

Now, these were the days before online news hit the big-time, and the thought of instant access to information was a distant dream. So the next day I dutifully tuned in to the news programme for a Sniper update. Nothing. After a few days, I was so disturbed by the lack of closure on the story that I even sent them an e-mail, requesting information about the outcome of the Sniper-search. Nothing.

A decade later, I have decided to make it my mission to find out once and for all - WHAT HAPPENED TO SNIPER THE DOG?

Granted, the details I have are rather thin on the ground; my estimation of when this story hit the headlines could be wrong, and it may not have even been a story on the BBC local news programme after all, but instead on its ITV equivalent. But I'm hoping that I will finally be able to discover the fate of dear old Sniper through the wonder of social media and modern-day technology.

Please help and spread the word!

Up sh*t Creek

I made a special effort to get home in time for 'Jonathan Creek' last night (what has my life become?!) and I must say I was a tad baffled by it. I used to be a big fan of the show back in my youth, enjoying its twists and turns and witty humour, but last night's storyline was just too preposterous!

*Stop reading now if you don't want spoilers*

So a woman's best friend mysteriously disappears into thin air in the middle of the night, with all remaining of her the clothing she went to bed in. Now if this was my friend I would be pretty darn worried. The best case scenario is that she would be walking around naked somewhere. But does our new heroine call the police? No. Instead she approaches Jonathan Creek upon the recommendation of an old lady she barely knows for his help. Little progress is made in tracking her down, so they go along to the local village show and have a bit of a giggle by partaking in some magic tricks. ERR - YOUR FRIEND IS MISSING AND POSSIBLY DEAD, DON'T FAFF AROUND BY PERFORMING MAGIC TRICKS YOU DUNCE!!

In an equally absurd secondary storyline, a magician's girlfriend is having an affair with their handyman (played by the lead singer dude from ace 90s series 'The Young Person's Guide to becoming a Rock Star') and they get married in secret. The magician finds out and murders his girlfriend. The handyman is understandably a tad upset by the turn of events, but when Jonathan tracks him down to try and found out what happened, he is still doing oddjobs round the magician's house. ERR - YOUR WIFE HAS JUST DIED AND YOU ARE AWARE THAT YOUR EMPLOYER IS THE MOST LIKELY SUSPECT. WHY ARE YOU STILL UP A LADDER CLEANING OUT HIS GUTTERS??!!

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh - I know the show is meant to be a bit 'out there', but last night's episode really did push the boundaries of acceptable social behaviour and common sense a little bit too far.

Paul Ross to eclipse sibling?

Do you ever feel that your house is missing a focal point? I did, so I purchased a lovely mirror with an oak frame and it now sits proudly in my living room above my fireplace. Oh, if only I had waited one week. Had I been more wise, it would not be a mirror that has pride of place, it would be this.

That's right, it's the definitive 20" canvas print of superstar television presenter, Paul Ross. My brother stumbled across it on Amazon whilst doing some last minute Christmas shopping. Read the product reviews and you'll bee ROFLing for a long time, I guarantee it. Here are some of my favourite comments:

"If you only buy one 20 inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get."

"My friend was so grateful he gave us the exact same print as an early Christmas present!"

"Such is the power of the exhibition of the Ross that I've recently quit my quite good job in order to tour the 20" Ross around the UK next year."

"I can't believe the nerve of Amazon allowing this for sale after all those calls to Manuel. And if you're reading Paul, isn't it about time you and Russell both apologised publicly. It's been weeks now."

"This is NOT a portrait of Eamonn Holmes. I made this mistake and words can’t begin to describe my disappointment when I tore at the packaging to expose Ross."

And so they continue...

Gee, sore

Muchos entertainment on the train last night. A twenty-something girl and her parents were heading home after the theatre, when some tall, dark-haired dude jumps on the train just before it pulls away. The girl goes BRIGHT red and there is obviously some history between the two of them as they embrace awkwardly, and he knows her parents, and they all chat politely until he hops off at the next stop.

The girl is obviously in shock, and it unravels - to the eager ears of the whole train carriage - that he is a former boyfriend who dumped her and they hadn't seen each other or been in touch for quite some time. To add another layer of embarrassment for the poor lass, it is also revealed that the ex in question is a former member of a successful and well-known pop-opera quartet who have since split up (I don't want to name them just in case they have google alerts set up, but you can probably work it out from the title of this posting...)

Tons of respect to her though - she was obviously extremely flustered by the situation, especially since her parents witnessed it. But she dealt with the subsequent barrage of questions and ribbing from random train passengers when the full awkwardness of their encounter came to light with good humour. But that poor girl!!

The breast day of her life

An absolutely hilarious photo in the Sun’s Kelvin MacKenzie column today:

I have a sneaking suspicion that we will be hearing a lot more about this anonymous bride over the coming days…

(Thanks to Holly for the pun!)

If only I had a separate compartment for this postage stamp....

I saw a photo of a backpack in the Financial Times today and it reminded me of a very funny moment from a few years back. I was in Rome queuing to get into the Colosseum when all of a sudden I realised I was looking at one of the most amazing sights I had ever seen. No, not the Colosseum. This:

At first glance it looks like just another tourist in a queue. But click the image to enlarge it...is that not the most amount of zips you have ever seen on one bag?! I was so enamoured with it that I had to keep taking photos, following the bag wherever it went:

The picture above gives you a true indication of the level of zippage on that bag. Is it just me who finds this absolutely hilarious?! I am actually laughing as I'm writing this because I'd completely forgotten about it until today. I seem to recall actually counting the zips and there were like 30 or something. There's even a few on the straps! Ridiculous!! Rome was lovely by the way.

Help the raged (...Daily Mail readers)

This story made me chuckle today. Pensioners' groups have called for the road sign depicting old people to be revamped because the current design is 'insulting'. I can kind of see where they're coming from - of-course all elderly people don't hobble along all hunched with a walking stick. But some do, and surely they're the ones that the motorists should be looking out for, eh? Ah well, I guess the pensioners' groups in question got some publicity out of it.

*Bonus fact*
According to the Daily Mail (hmmm) "the current sign for 'elderly people crossing' was the winning entry in a children's competition held in 1981." Aaaw. (The Daily Mail comment board on this story is well worth a read).

Isn't the internet brilliant...

I have found a photo of the marvellous Big Issue seller:

See! I wasn't lying! Photo by davepatten.

The Jig Issue

Prize for the most creative Big Issue seller goes to the chap at the Trafalgar Square end of Charing Cross Road. When I saw him this evening he was stood like a statue in this position:

(minus the beach accessories) holding a Big Issue in his outstretched hand. Then, when I walked past him again a bit later, he was doing a little dance. Sadly I didn't see anyone buy a copy. But, then again, neither did I...now I feel bad.

You couldn't make(it)-up

A leading high street chemist has introduced a new range of make-up for blokes, with the launch of ‘guyliner’ and ‘manscara’. So it seems that, as long as the product name includes some kind of male-related pun, they will sell it. I have therefore come up with a range of other products they could sell:

Boysturiser
Male varnish
Blushim (instead of ‘her’, gettit?!)
Roncealer (Ron is a bloke’s name)

Err, that’s all I can think of. Feel free to suggest more and we can pitch to Dragon’s Den in the near future…

Tears before breadtime

I happened to catch the last five minutes of 'Celebrity Masterchef' the other evening. I have to say, I was utterly shocked by the extreme levels of emotion on display from the c-list cooks. Former Atomic Kitten Liz and the Liverpudlian dude from 'Holby City' literally had tears rolling down their cheeks as they were waiting to hear whether they'd made it through to the final. Thank goodness they both did (along with Andi Peters, who managed to keep the weeping in check), otherwise I think some kind of emotional massacre would have ensued.

Don't get me wrong, it's strangely reassuring that it means so much to them, but I can't help but wonder a) what kind of financial incentive is being dangled in front of their noses in order to provoke such passion and b) why the hell the Atomic Kitten was allowed to compete in the first place since she had supposedly 'never touched an oven' before the show and is therefore not a 'masterchef'. Surely by this logic I should equally be allowed on the show because I am not a celebrity?! Oh yeah, I forgot, I've been in the London Lite...

It's a holistic pyramid hat!

My unrivalled Google skilled eventually paid off:

http://www.myholistichealthshop.com/hat.html

Apparently it's meant to have holistic benefits. Weird.

Pyramid head

I saw quite possibly the strangest thing ever in Borders this evening. A guy was in there browsing the shelves, just like everyone else, except this bloke had a gold-coloured hollow pyramid thing on his head. Like a hat, but a metal-rimmed prism with nothing in the middle. I cannot for the life of me find anything online that can explain to me what this signifies, and since I am an information addict this is frustrating me greatly! I wasn't the only one who spotted it - he was getting lots of weird looks from fellow shoppers and other than the thing on his head he looked pretty normal. Can anyone shed some light on this for me please?!

I can only presume the guy is a big fan of comics:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyramid_Head#Symbolism